Sunday | April 5 | 2015
Putting yourself in situations and not knowing whether to walk away or not. I know this is a pro ana blog so I should start this off by saying that today, today I’m not posting about my eating disorder. If you want more about that, you can click on the “tips and tricks” option and read up on those, because today I’m going personal. Yes, I am sitting here in the dark at about 11 pm in my bedroom listening to some break up songs. Did I just go through a break up? No. But I’m realizing a lot. If you’ve read my other posts you would know that I said my eating disorder is helping me find myself, weird right? So, what I’m about to type next will push you into believing that I need a therapist. I don’t. I’ve found myself through self harm, drugs, alcohol and I’ve overcome all that to becoming who I am now. He can be your cigarettes, the lighter when you’re lighting up, the drink in the cup, the knife, the blade disguised as the boy you love. I guess what I’m trying to say is, when really is the right time to walk away? When some stupid guy who you expect to lift you up and twirl you around just kicks you when you’re down? When someone you expect to put you back together just consumes your world with the utmost negativity. Then he fills you with all these emotions, like he’s actually going to stick around. Like when you two are together and your hearts are beating faster than ever but no one dare move closer. Too afraid to even touch each other, brush a shoulder by the slightest, so you sit there talking about all HIS problems and he’s expecting you to fix them and you’re expecting the same. Well the truth in that scenario is that he won’t. He’s breaking you. This guy who you keep letting come back is just taking the pretty pieces of you to complete himself. That selfish fucking idiot. He doesn’t know what he’s doing to you. But it’s compelling isn’t it? The way he says your name, or when your hands meet accidentally, purposely? Please don’t let him be the one to tear you down, stop letting him. I think I need to take my own advice. Let him see you when you’re better, stronger. When you’re more you-er than you can be. Most importantly when you don’t need someone like him. Put yourself back together. It’s time to let go, let him go.
It’s time to walk away.