Midnight

I don’t know if I write for myself or for someone else. I don’t know, but I do it anyways. Fuck, eating disorders take up and consume so much of your mind. Everything I do it equals to me constantly thinking of how fat i am, how ugly i am. Regretting taking that one bite i took earlier in the day. I want to drown my fat self in the water I try to drink to fill myself up. I want to cry when I don’t see instant results. I’m a stress eater, an emotional eater. Binge, binge, binge. But i’m not here to trigger you into giving up. I just want you to know that I feel like this too. Am i the only one? Maybe so. Summer is coming and I’m disgusted by my body, my clothes, how my body LOOKS in those clothes. Don’t eat, let Ana win. That’s what they tell me. So, here I am, up at night telling you the same thing because the last thing I want is for you to feel the same way I do now. I don’t want you to feel this shitty about yourself. 3 months to earn my goal.

I believe in YOU.

XOXO

S

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2 thoughts on “Midnight

  1. It’s so consuming. Sometimes I realize it and it shocks me. How some people can just eat like it’s nothing but I obsessively worry and plan my meals. No one even knows how much I think about eating, or not eating.

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    • Honestly, it does. My day starts, ends and revolves around it, bc it’s always on my mind. And seeing people or my friends so happy and okay, it just feels so lonely, up against the world with you and your e.d. Its unfair, i hate it.

      Like

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