Walk Away

Sunday | April 5 | 2015

Putting yourself in situations and not knowing whether to walk away or not. I know this is a pro ana blog so I should start this off by saying that today, today I’m not posting about my eating disorder. If you want more about that, you can click on the “tips and tricks” option and read up on those, because today I’m going personal. Yes, I am sitting here in the dark at about 11 pm in my bedroom listening to some break up songs. Did I just go through a break up? No. But I’m realizing a lot. If you’ve read my other posts you would know that I said my eating disorder is helping me find myself, weird right? So, what I’m about to type next will push you into believing that I need a therapist. I don’t. I’ve found myself through self harm, drugs, alcohol and I’ve overcome all that to becoming who I am now. He can be your cigarettes, the lighter when you’re lighting up, the drink in the cup, the knife, the blade disguised as the boy you love. I guess what I’m trying to say is, when really is the right time to walk away? When some stupid guy who you expect to lift you up and twirl you around just kicks you when you’re down? When someone you expect to put you back together just consumes your world with the utmost negativity. Then he fills you with all these emotions, like he’s actually going to stick around. Like when you two are together and your hearts are beating faster than ever but no one dare move closer. Too afraid to even touch each other, brush a shoulder by the slightest, so you sit there talking about all HIS problems and he’s expecting you to fix them and you’re expecting the same. Well the truth in that scenario is that he won’t. He’s breaking you. This guy who you keep letting come back is just taking the pretty pieces of you to complete himself. That selfish fucking idiot. He doesn’t know what he’s doing to you. But it’s compelling isn’t it? The way he says your name, or when your hands meet accidentally, purposely? Please don’t let him be the one to tear you down, stop letting him. I think I need to take my own advice. Let him see you when you’re better, stronger. When you’re more you-er than you can be. Most importantly when you don’t need someone like him. Put yourself back together. It’s time to let go, let him go.

 It’s time to walk away.

XOXO

S

Binge

 | 11:14 pm |

One of the hardest things to control when you’re pro ana is the urge to binge. It can happen at the most random time, when that craving becomes unbearable and you are just dying to give in. Happens to the best of us, it’s inevitable. It always seems like it’s easier to just forget the worries you have, lose your self control, and binge for that moment. Trust me, i know. I’m not going to sit here and judge you when you do binge, i’m not going to tell you what a stupid mistake that was because regrets will always be regrets. Instead i’ll say, just remember a little something; a moment on the lips, forever on the hips. Ask yourself, so will it be worth it? Will it be worth it when you go up another size in jeans? Will it be worth it when you’re uncomfortable and tugging on your already loose t-shirt? No. I know it won’t be. So hun, just put down whatever has brought you to your knees. Stand up, you can do this, You can fight this. Do you know how strong you are? I know how strong you are. Go have some carrots, a banana, an apple, some fruit, something healthy. You CAN do this. We can do it together.

The binge is not worth it.

XOXO

S

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Thursday | March 26 | 2015

Getaway

Do you have a getaway? I didn’t until recently. I never thought of it to be so important for myself. The ana journey isn’t just the struggle [to lose weight], it’s also finding YOURSELF. Tbh, I’ve learnt more about myself than I thought. I always thought in my bed, with my headphones on was my getaway. I mean for some people it is, right? Well, not for me. This may or may not sound weird but my getaway is the sauna. The one place I’m in silence, I can turn off my phone and relax. Up until recently I started using the sauna after workouts at the gym. I was always the claustrophobic person who couldn’t stand small places, filled with heat. Omg, it sounded TERRIBLE. But sweating is really good for your body (I do recommend trying it out- sweat those calories out!!). Now I can’t get enough of it. My mind isn’t on whether I’m hungry or not, it’s not on my weight, it’s more relaxed when I’m in there. Now after every workout, I MUST sit in the sauna for a little bit. Perfect way to get my mind off reality for a little while.

 If you didn’t find your getaway yet, I hope you do.

XOXO

S

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Wednesday | March 25 | 2015

I really don’t know how to start this off. I guess, hi. Welcome. Honestly, I don’t know what struck me to start this blog but something did strike me. I’m not sure what to theme this, I guess this is more like my everyday diary. It will start with my pro ana journey and maybe I’ll post some other things. On my Instagram [@skinnymini17], I was rarely posting. The thought of accidently leaving my ana account logged in and having my friend look at my phone was too big of a risk. This is something I wouldn’t want anyone to find out, no one would understand. So, i’m keeping my blog anonymous (obvs). I was supposed to keep my first post short and sweet, and I’ve already began rambling on. Thanks for reading.

XOXO

S